Lunar Lando IV: Dark Commie Rising
by Supreme Dakari Lord Cerventes
Summary: Part one of the saga. In an alternate timline in which the Star Wars progect was actually deployed to fight the USSR, President Regan is forced to call a retired Lando back into duty and fight moon commies. But whos the leader? Aslo a commentaire on Iraq
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, my subjects. I am Cerventes, Lord Emperor of all Dakari, but I am continuing my outreach program to all places on the web. I came up with this idea in another dream when I fell aspleep playing Lunar Lander. iTS what I think would happen if star wars happened in the cold war, and that was actually going to happen because president regan wanted it to. Here goes no flames. Aslo, I decided to use some swaers so this is T so kiddies dont read. Older kids know what I mean.  
**

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It was 1984 and the moon was cold. There was a base inside it was men who ran. It seemed like NOTHINGV could go wrong. But they were dead wrong. Like the war in iraq. 

_Dead..._

_"Heloo said the man? _No answer. It seemed that ever sense the commies had tried to come to the moon that everyone was quiet cause the commies were like stormtroopers (the elitte ones, with pistols and lightsabers). The Jedi said that everything would be ok but the moon people were'nt too keen. The commieunists had come once, and they would come again. It was just a matter of time... and luck.

An alarm. Commies back. Everyone dead.  
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Inside DC there was an emergency "My president commie have attacked the moon"

SHIT said regan

"How many survivors:?" the president regan

"Dead. dead." the aide denouned with emphisis.

"I want the damn commies of the damn moon! they're a plauge to the cyphils" Regan howled.

"Sir I am sorry but the commies are the elite ones and they have ferocious skills." An advisord advised. It was a roadblock and president did not want to admit it. There was a way.

There is a man" a lone voice detained

"tell me" Intrigued Nixon

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_No... NOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO_

_SOIVETT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! _

Lando woke up form his dream he had everynight about fighting commies on the moon. It was only a dream but it would happen soon he didnt know. Yet.

_The alarm beacon_ announced the message. Lando picked up the holograph.

"Helo? LAndo said with coolness.

"Lando this is Regan I'm taking you out of retirirment because the commies have striked the moon." Regan spoke

"I had a dream about this, it can't be real!" Lando muttered as the memories flooded him.

"I know we sent you that dream with our force field it is not a coinsedese" Regan said with a air of mysterious.

Lando reflected, and then spoke "Ok, I'll do it but remember, you have to free her, k"

"alright" convieved regan

the aide and nixon did not know who lando was taking about when he said her, but regan made it clear that they would. _soon._

Progrct Star Wars. On.

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Lando said goodbye to obi wan kenobi and head for the landing dock. He could not choose a ship, so he chose the X-Wing that blew up the death star and the berlin wall a the same time. It was a gfood ship and lando liked it because it was a commie killer like him. Lando kicked off the droid though becase droids are gay, and Lando knew how to fly.

_The moon. Star Wars Progect. The pointless war in iraq that killed 450,000,000 people. It was all coming together. Too late._

_No... It cant be...  
_

TH**EYRE TRYING TO PUT STAR WARS ON THE MOON! Lando was bitchcracked**

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**

Land was ready to beat the shit out of commies, but he had a problem. The ship was landing. But before he came out LAndo jumped out the window and did a backflip and killed3 commies with his rocket launcher.

"You got burned." lando grandhanded as he put the rocket back on his belt and ran to the commie motherboard.

"Lando theres a problem" Regan came in on the comm link.

"What is it"

"THERES COMMIES EVERYWHERE!" Regam screamed as the commies flooded.

"Shit-ass!" Lando badmouthed as the guns were flying. Lando took his two pistols. Two shots, two dead. Lando then did a backflip and fired into a commies foot.

"SHIT!" The commie screamed as the foot exploded.

"Soft-ass. Regan badassed as he jumped off the motorcycle and did a hanstand 457.

"Thats sweet" Lando breathed

"Not as sweet" revealed shadow Bush

_WHAT?_

"I admit, I am a communist now DIE" Bush shot off as the memoirs of the 456,000 mothers flooded into the force.

"Take this" said Obi-Wans appirition and he threw a lightsaber into the near commie and cut him in half.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" screamed the commie.

"now guys lets use our duel strike." Lando said as he combined energy with regan and did a energy syphon like in Final Fantasy (fans understand the relvence).

"Whoa." bush said as his force was fraudulent. "But too bad."

"What?!" Lando could not understand the implicaitons.

Ha Ha!" bush tantilied as he dissapeared.

"What's going on!" Obi- wan verb-worded.

"men this is nixon"

"what's the status?!"

"BUSH HAS REBUILT THE BERLIN WALL!" Panic in the streets.

_In an apartname George Lucas shook his head in shame. He knew what he had to do._

"Nixon. Send in"

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**I am sorry for the cliffhager but the nexyt part is out soon. This is not only a story about star wars if the cold war happened, but also a criticism about the iraq war. I want see if you can figure out the meanings. This is my first political philosophy that isnt Dakari, so tell me u liked it. Until next time, goodbye my servents.**


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, guys. I'm a HUGE fan of Dakari, the awesome DD from Season 02. In case you haven't heard of them, you obviously live under a rock or are A CURESED TAKARI FAN! Anyway, I decided to write the first chapter as a songfic to the lyrics of the song "Shotgun Divorce" by Lordi. The rest of the story is an adventure quest, but you'll find out more about that later.

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28-year-old Yagami Hikari was up early one morning. She and her lover were on the way to a vacation in Vegas. Daisuke and her had been married for 5 years, ever since her previous husband, her "beloved" Cody, mysteriously died of the cholera. Or was it really the cholera? 

_The plants were watered, her bags were packed_

Hikari had finished watering all the plants and packing the bags since Will was still in bed; just as she had planned. She was euphorically looking forward to spending a week of booze, gambling and regeneration with the man she loved. But was the man she loved really Daisuke?

_Without warning she gave him a slug_

"Hey Honey." Daisuke said, waking up and yawning, "You going somewhere?"

"Oh, yes Daisuke, I _am_ going somewhere. Unfortunately, you're _not_ going with me!"

Before he could do anything, she pulled out her family's shotgun seemingly out of nowhere, and aimed.

_Now her husband's slaughtered_

"What the… Hikari? Ahhhh, arrrrrrrggggggOOOOO!" Daisuke screamed, scrambling over the bed.

_With a 12 gauge whack_

Without a word, Hikari Kamiya pulled the trigger, sending the slug into his chest. Daisuke flew back 4 feet, and hit the bedpost.

_Stranglehold of fear - It still won't disappear_

"Ehhghghh.. Eli… Hikari… wh.. wh.. why?"

_It's growing stronger - And still he's watching her_

"He he he! HA HA HA" Hikari was as giddy as a little girl. From out of the shadows a dark figure emerged. Daisuke could just barely make the face out, but it looked like….

_Again she's leaving home - Again she's all alone_

"Ta… Ta... Takeru?" Daisuke couldn't believe his clouded eyes.

Hikari maniacally grinned. "Oh, _yes_. Isn't my new fiance wonderful? We're getting_ married_! You'd be our man of honor, but it looks to me like you have a _previous engagement_, isn't that right 'my love'?"

_Again she knows exactly what to do_

Takeru smiled at the writhing Daisuke. "Hikari _dear_, we _really_ should be going."

"Oh, _yes_ darling. You run along ahead. I just have one last thing to do to get ready."

Takeru put on his sunglasses that matched his $40,000 dollar white suit and got into his stolen 40- foot luxury yacht, the _Snow White_. As he waited, Hikari dragged a bloody, dying Daisuke by the heels down the stairs into the basement.

"Hi… ka… ri… b… but… why?" Daisuke croaked. Hikari just grinned as she took out a crowbar and removed three planks from the floor.

"Welcome to your final resting place, _dearest_. I hope you find it as _suitable_ as its previous inhabitant. Oh, I almost forgot. Did I mention you have a… _roomate_?"

_Like with the others before_

"C… Cosy?" Daisuke was shocked at the sight of his decrepid friend's corpse, only recognizable by the trademark Hida red shock of hair.

"Oh, _pleaasseee_, Daisuke." You didn't _really_ believe that a _gold_- rush era disease killed you best friend? But then again, you always _did_ get low marks on your _Japanese_ school tests…" At that moment, Daisuke noticed the empty jug of gasoline in her hands.

_This time around, yeah it's kinda final_

"Elizabeth… you… your no… not going to…"

"Make this house your _funeral pyre_? Oh yes! I can't _wait_ to see the look on your face. Ha ha ha! The_ finality_ of it all! I _love_ it!" As she stepped onto the stairs, she pulled out her shotgun, and fired at the propane tanks in the left side of the basement.

"Kari… Hika… no…" Will moaned, blood spilling out of his eyes.

"Oh, don't worry, _darling_. I'll let you put it out. _Here_…" Elizabeth threw him his digivice, landing at his feet. "Go on _Davis_, put out the _fire_!"

Unfortunately, Daisuke could not use his arms.

_R__ide 'till you fall_

"HA HA _HA_!" Hikari threw her head up in the air and expressed her feelings of lust, love, and sin. "You can't _move_ your arms because of my…" she grinned, "_12- gauge whack_…" As Hikari bounded up the stairs, she stopped, and smiled. "Ta ta, _Wiley boy_!", leaving him helpless and alone.

_Then the shotgun divorce_

Hikari noticed that an explosion was about to rock the house. Using her powers, she did a flip out the window and into the passenger seat of the _Snow White_, the luxury yacht.

"What _took_ you so long?" Takeru asked chuckling, as the house exploded in a brilliant array of colors.

"Lets just say I had a… _hot date_!" Hikari joked.

The two chuckled at the funny pun, and floored the accelerator at 120 miles per hour, away from the scene of the shotgun divorce.

_It's her way out and she can't deny_

"So tell me, _darling_, how _did_ you think of that ingenious way of _killing_ your husband?"

"I guess it's my hobby. I can't deny it. I _really_ love to indulge myself in these…. '_affairs_'!"

"I know, but… don't do it to _me_!" Takeru said with amusement.

"Oh, Takeru, you make me_ laugh_! Ha ha HA!"

_She loves to kill and she kills for love_

In a reflective mood, she leaned back and closed her eyes. "Takeru, you _know_ I love to…_ kill_." Hikari snuggled into his shoulder. "But I kill… for _love_."

"You do it for _me_. How romantic!"

"I _know_!" Hikari dramatized with much laughter and vengence.

_Autumn leaves keep falling on the ground_

(Three months later)

Hikari had been married to Takeru for three months, and their marriage had been a whirlwind affair of intrigue, lust, and redemption. Outside of Takeru's $320,000,000 Florida estate, Hikari stood on the top of a fall foliated high hill that was part of one of Takeru's twelve 18-hole golf courses. Hikari was livin' large off of Takeru's corporate empire money.

_Someday she knows that they will try to hunt her down_

The whole cover story of the "accidential fire" blew over pretty well, but there was some suspect of arson. Takeru had paid off the sheriff into believing that a drunken Motomiya Daisuke had started the fire, and shot himself after. Even so, Hikari was still nervous that justice would catch up with her. She couldn't sleep at night, and there was nothing Takeru could do to comfort her.

_Plain revulsion, no love can be found_

Although there was no love between her and Daisuke, she still was haunted by the image of his broken body burning. Sure she enjoyed it, but it was still revolting.

_After all is said and done there is no rebound_

Sometimes, she felt she could not go back to her former life. The murders were a heavy burden, and she knew that karma would catch up with her

_Now she's living scared_

_Even though she cared_

Hikari had killed them for Takeru, for his safety and love. And yet, she always thought she made a mistake. But maybe, it was the best decision she ever made. She was torn, like a doll that had been ripped up by a hunting dog.

_He is gone_

_His head blown off_

And even the wealth and love could not chase the image of Davis's dead body away from her. A dead body, who's head likely exploded in the inferno. Exploded because of lust…

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OMG CLIFFIE! PLEASE WRITE WHAT YOU THINK! CHAPTER TWO UP SOON! 

**A/N REVIEW**


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